Okay. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck!

WHAT. THE. FUCK? 5 minutes after I met this guy he dumped a giant beer on my best friend, called her a “fat bitch” several times and threatened to beat up her boyfriend. He’s covered in these god awful satanic tattoos and when we got to his place he made me watch Sixteen Candles and listen to a bunch of gangsta rap. He slapped me around and choked me the whole time we boned, then he held my hand and walked me to the train in the morning. I’m still confused.

The true WTF, girlfriend, is why the hell did you go home with this guy? Maybe I’m odd in this respect, but when people start shit with my friends it generally doesn’t feel like foreplay to me. ROFLMAO.

Why am I still reading this? It’s like a slo-mo car wreck, I can’t look away!

I met this bro when he came in where I work for a meeting shit-hammered, reeking of booze. It somehow still surprised me when he repeatedly broke plans because he was too broke to take public transportation, too drunk to ride his bike over, or had just plain passed the fuck out.

But hey, I can’t really throw stones from my glass house, eh? Most of us have some stories of stupid sex choices we made along the way… ;)

“One day while he was inside of me, he looked me in the eyes and asked, “is this what it’s like to be intimate with someone?” while trying to hold my hand, fingers interlaced. I had to keep myself from laughing in his face.”

I was once doin’ it with this dude, and he said to me (in the middle of doin’ it, of course): “This is love.” Since we were basically having a one night stand, I lay there shocked, and uncomfotable. I didn’t know what to say, so I said, kind of sarcastically, “Ya think?” I mean, what do you say to that? I couldn’t figure it out, was he really stupid, or was he trying to do that lame “player” bit that good looking dudes like to do in an attempt to convince girls to sleep with them by making them think “this is LOVE” before they run off with their best friend?

I just wanted to f*ck him, I thought it was clear. I f*cked him one more time for good measure, then he tried to hump my friend (in the pattern of the “player”) so it was decidedly done with, and I didn’t care.