Oh, man, now this is the way I want to spend my post-zombie-apocalypse days… Gently sailing down the river, clockin’ zombies in the head from the safety of my giant fucking boat. Make sure you click on the image to see this thing in it’s full, grand beauty. The SS Huckleberry, winner of the 2010 Zombie Safe House Competition, (I didn’t even know such a thing existed!) is secure, has it’s own food production facilities, and is powered by diesel fuel made from decomposing undead! I mean, how wonderful is that? You stay alive, healthy, and your carbon footprint is vastly reduced! There is absolutely nothing I don’t like about that.
Archive for the ‘alcohol’ Category
Why don’t we get after-Hallowe’en statistics like this in Vancouver? I’m very curious as to how many crimes were committed by popular fictional characters. I’m pretty sure Boba Fett tried to roofie a friend of mine. Or was that me?
Later Batman Stated He Was “Sorry About The Window.” [Probably Bad News]
Sometimes in your life, you sit back and look at what you have wrought, and you feel good inside. I can only imagine how fucking awesome the person who made this felt afterwards. So pretty you’d almost want to not eat it.
Almost. I mean, c’mon, it’s bacon.
Okay, so I know I’m a few weeks (okay months) behind on this one, but I can’t just let it pass me by. In China, land of the really freaking bizarre, some old lady found this mutant snake that was sporting a full on leg. Crawling up her wall. So she killed it. From the article:
“I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw.”
She then proceeded to beat the thing to death with her shoe, and popped it into a jar of alcohol. You know, I know science would probably have loved to check this thing out, but frankly, I can’t blame the lady. If I woke up to see that freak of nature slowly creeping up my wall, I’d kill it faster than you can say “horrible snakey death”. Because I’d assume it was gunning for me. Of course.
I want to be this guy when I grow up.
Crazy Bruce of Crazy Bruce’s Liquor perhaps has been hittin’ the hooch [I Heart Chaos, via YBNBY]
I’m drunk, and far too amused with myself to post a proper update, so enjoy this article from Modern Drunkard magazine which reinforces my lifestyle choices. Awesome.
10 Best Things About Booze [Modern Drunkard]
This is both sad and hilarious. An anonyblog for female bad sex survivors, I bang the worst dudes is made of of censor-barred images and brief anecdotes of poor sexual performance by males. The funny comes from the fact that a lot of these tales are dreadfullly droll, and you’re realy sorry that anyone had to go through that. The sad is closely related; it’s absolutely horrible that some of these girls got into the situations described. Take this highlight for example:
This guy would demand oral sex repeatedly and when I finally relented he tried to face-humped me like a rabbit.
Why would you finally give in? Why would you even keep hanging out with the guy? Tolerating his presence indicates to him that his behaviour is acceptable; giving in rewards his for his bothersome persistence. The fact that none of them accept any blame for the badness brings it a bit into the male-bashing perspective, but a bit of misandry is good for the soul, they tell me. Interesting, Firefox recognizes “misogyny”, but not “misandry”. Heh. Funny that.
Anyhow, it’s certainly worth taking your time to scroll through; there’s only eleven pages or so at this point, though I’m sure that’ll grow. I must say I question how many of the photos are genuine, and how many are just some random guy blacked out to the point of being unrecognizable, but they do add a certain pleasing visual style to the whole thing. Just don’t be surprised if some of the stories read more bitter than clever.
Oh noes, it’s back! There’s been a second sighting of the South American stalking shorty! Okay, this video is even harder to make out than the previous one, but… geez, that walk. It’s just so wrong. Sends shivers down my spine just watching the damn thing stroll across the street. Well, stroll may not be the right word. More like skitter. Ugh.
For those who don’t remember, here’s the first sighting.
NEW creepy gnome sighting [YouTube]
This is awesome. Joss Whedon’s brother Jed, and his female companion Maurissa Tancharoen, co-writers of the wonderful Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, apparently write songs in the car on the way to get food, about the food they’re getting. Then, on Labour Day weekend, they got drunk, sat in front of a webcam, and sang them to us. Revel. I said revel!
I want to hate this song, but I can’t. It’s just so fun! And I must say, Miss Katy Perry is a very lovely woman. I hope she manages to be more than a one-hit wonder, but if not, at least we’ll all have this song to remind us when drunken bi-curiosity became mainstream.
Katy Perry – I Kissed A Girl (And I Liked It) [GoogleVideo]
In the Argentinean town of Salta, some kids were sitting around, doing their typical juvenile delinquent bit; wearing hoodies, sipping some local beverages. One guy, he’s recording it all on his cellphone, yes? Cellphone cameras are built for exactly this sort of thing. Then, they see it, lurching across the road…
Frankly, I don’t know what the hell this thing is, and I’m not sure if I want to. But it creeps me out, hardcore, and that, I like.
Increible video de un duende [YouTube]
I have no words. Well, that’s not true, just most of them are onomatopoeias, such as huh, aroo, bltzrgrbl, and the like. I mean, really, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on this old web here. I remember when goatse.cx was still fresh, I used to MUCK, hell, I first used a text-based brwoser. But this, this is something the likes of which I have never seen before, and, indeed to my regret, will never be able to unsee. So, I share my pain with you, loyal sycophants (or is that just sickos?) so that you too may know the painful rapture of seeing a giant cartoon fox bowl, granny-style, versus an obese Klingon. Yeah.
Furries vs. Klingons [youtube]
Phoenix Wright – Boot To The Head [YouTube]
There’s not really much a person can say about this, except pure genius. Peanuts, by way of Charles Bukowski; a sad tale of eight year olds, alcohol, and emptiness.
Peanuts, by Charles Bukowski [progressiveboink]
Taken from the headlines of the Ann Arbor News:
An Ann Arbor man is facing rape charges after police said he convinced a victim of a previous sexual assault that he wanted to help police by re-enacting the crime early Saturday morning.
I must say, that’s a new one in the ways of pick-up lines for me. “Oh, you poor thing. You know what I bet would help? A re-enactment! C’mon, we’ll do up the living room; you can use your bears!” I really wish I was exaggerating here. Well, maybe a bit on the fruity side, but really, read this from further down the article:
The woman said Stephens, whom she had known for several years, saw her and approached her in a grocery store about a week ago. During their conversation she said she was sexually assaulted in early May and that police were investigating but had not made an arrest, reports said. At the end of that conversation he agreed to fix her air conditioner in the near future, she said.
As the victim prepared for bed after midnight, Stephens came over holding a brown paper bag with a bottle of tequila, reports said. She told police that he said he had a friend in the police department who was interested in the case and suggested they re-enact the incident for “vital” information.
She agreed and they began drinking, as on the night of the previous assault. At one point they even rearranged furniture and placed stuffed animals in chairs to represent other people who were there that night, police reports said.
The fact that they actually used her stuffed animals for bystanders really tickles me. Okay, so, this guy you kinda know comes over to your house at midnight to “fix your air conditioner”, armed with a bottle of tequila and a hair-brained plan he got from his “friend” the “police officer”, and you don’t get the least little bit suspicious? I mean, I’m not one to play blame the victim or anything, but seriously, this girl needs to get her danger awareness ramped up. I mean, she just had her traumatic incident a little over two months ago, if that. Shouldn’t she be at least a little paranoid, if for no reason other than just post-traumatic stress? Some people just have no survival instincts nowadays. At least they guy’s been caught and charged though; I’d hate to think such a stupid and perverse plan would be rewarded by him escaping his just desserts.
It’s painfully obvious at this point how fresh and new this blog is, however, it’s actually an extension, a branch, if you would, from my LiveJournal account. I just decided I wanted something a bit more robust for my newsier posts, possibly with a bit of collaboration. I do love skimming through my old posts, clicking on years-old links to see if they still work. On this note, I was greatly pleased to find that the 40 oz Crew is still rolling along. I mean, when it comes to ugly white kids getting hella drunk on shitty beer, these guys take the cake! My memory is a bit fuzzy, but I’m pretty sure that’s the same site design they had five years ago. From that lovely locale we move along to the intriguing BumWine.Com, a petite little site which gives you some background information on the top five tipples of homeless alcoholics, as well as a smattering of other hooches. But wait, there’s more! Both Ghetto Wine and Bad Beer provide their own whimsical, badly-coded takes on the cheap stuff.
Personally, I’m a whiskey man myself.