Truly an idea whose time has come. When the zombie apocalypse comes, when your back is to the wall and you have only seconds to clear a path through a horde of slavering undead ghouls, only a rocket-propelled chainsaw is gonna get your ass out of that fire. Just think about it; hot grinding death coming out of a tube at hundreds of miles an hour, ripping through necrotized flesh and bone as if the horde was a cloud of rotting cotton candy. From certain doom to sweet sweet freedom… at least until the next time you fuck up. Seriously, you let them corner you? Bah.

Die, Zombies!: A Rocket-Propelled Chainsaw [Geekologie, via unrealitymag]

Do you like Miles Fisher? His newest EP marks a new peak of professionalism. This is his take on David Byrne’s “This Must Be The Place”. A great, great song, and a personal favourite.

I have watched this video every single day since I found it. It’s a perfect, perfect rendering of music to motion, a consummate point of music video mastery. It’s pure glory. I cannot say enough good things about it.

Of course, it’s about a serial killer. I have my weaknesses.

Miles Fisher – This Must Be The Place [YouTube]

Okay, so I know I’m a few weeks (okay months) behind on this one, but I can’t just let it pass me by. In China, land of the really freaking bizarre, some old lady found this mutant snake that was sporting a full on leg. Crawling up her wall. So she killed it. From the article:

“I woke up and heard a strange scratching sound. I turned on the light and saw this monster working its way along the wall using his claw.”

She then proceeded to beat the thing to death with her shoe, and popped it into a jar of alcohol. You know, I know science would probably have loved to check this thing out, but frankly, I can’t blame the lady. If I woke up to see that freak of nature slowly creeping up my wall, I’d kill it faster than you can say “horrible snakey death”. Because I’d assume it was gunning for me. Of course.

Snake With Foot Found, Killed In China [Geekologie, via The Telegraph]

Today in bacon news, we present the story of Mike Nelson, formerly the second-favourite host of beloved late-night movie show Mystery Science Theater 3000, and his ridiculous mission for the month of February. In his own words:

…for the entire month of February, 2009, I, Michael J. Nelson will eat nothing but bacon. Nothing, my friends, but bacon.

Major Mike is a sick, sick man, but I approve of his cause. Let us read farther for his reasoning behind this mad quest…

Why? Because bacon is nature’s finest and most nourishing food. Also, because several doubters on the RiffTrax staff had the unmitigated gall to insult bacon by making the outrageous claim that, as good as it is, no one could eat very much of it and live. I can and will. Therefore I will spend the month proving it.

Bravo, good sir, bra-vo. There’s nothing quite like doing something just to prove to a bunch of assholes on the internet that it can be done. Seriously, it takes a certain combination of chutzpah and balls-out (or vulva-out if you prefer) stubborness to dedicate yourself to a single form of food. He goes on to say he will not be using condiments either, which is astounded, though he does reserve the right to drink it up. Really, who are we to deny such a request?

Man Vows To Eat Only Bacon For A Month [Geekologie, via blog.rifftrax.com]

Sometimes, just when I think that things can’t get any weirder (and that doesn’t happen too often), I get that reality slap to the face which tells me that it’s just getting started. I show you now “Drank”, the worlds first (to my knowledge) anti-energy drink. It’s grape soda with valerian root and melatonin, and according to the Wikipedia is based on an urban cocktail which involves mixing codeine-and-promethazine-based cough syrup with Sprite and Jolly Ranchers. Popularized by some idiot named “Dj Screw”, who wound up dying from it, the concotion spread around the hip-hop scene in the southern US, taking several more lives in the process. Now it’s being marketed, hoorah! I can’t tell if this is just a culturally ignorant money-making venture, or a sly and calculated attempt to make certain sectors of society even more fucked up, but it certainly feels like a bad, bad idea all around.

Drank – for when you want to fall asleep at the party [DoseNation, via Gothamist]

“When I bought this machine the previous owner told me it was haunted. I laughed, didn’t believe him, because I didn’t believe in that sort of thing.

Got a bad feeling the day it was delivered. Game started on its own in the middle of the night several times, had a tech service the machine three times (very pricy housecalls), but he couldn’t find the problem.

Three-year old daughter started talking about the “man in the video machine”, didn’t think much of it, then my wife saw a dark figure move across the basement and into the machine. She ran out of the house, would not return until the machine was out of the house. I moved it to my business garage (two miles away), and several times I have opened the garage to find tools missing or scattered, things tipped over.

This is why I am giving away a $1000 machine for free.”

That’s some spooky dealings right there, I tell ya. Personally I’d love to have a haunted arcade machine, and if I was anywhere near the Boston area I’d be on this like flies on a corpse. Alas, it is not to be. If you’re in the area and interested though, here’s the listing. Please be sure to report back with the results, yes?

Oddities: The Haunted Ms. Pac Man [Kotaku, via arcadecontrols.com]

Now here’s a bizarre little rarity. Back in the 1930s, Paramount pictures made a ton of little shorts under the blanket title of Hollywood On Parade, using a wide variety of actors, some famous stars, some not so much. The Three Stooges got their start in these films with Ted Healy, and some earlier Marx Brothers shorts were also part of the line. This is probably one of the weirdest ones I’ve seen though. Mae Questel, the voice of Olive Oyl for many years, was also the original Betty Boop. This short features her in a rare live performance as the lovely Miss Boop, singing a song to a pair of manly mannequins. Things are going swimmingly when suddenly Bela Lugosi shows up as the Count! With the chilling words, “Betty, you have booped your last boop,” some 1930s vampire-style necking occurs and, well, you get the picture.

Betty Boop Meets The Count [Ectoplasmosis]

This is Marco. Isn’t he adorable? His little swirly ball, big buggy eyes, and glistening exposed fangs just scream huggable, dontcha think? I love his little hands. Marco was made by the amazingly talented Jessica Joslin, a Chicago-based artist, and apparently a junkhound extraordinaire, judging by the amount of neat stuff she’s found to make her menagerie with. There’s an interview with her over at Coilhouse, which I’m not even going to bother excerpting, because you’re all going to go right over there and read it. Or at least stare at the pretty pictures.

Jessica Joslin’s Delightful Wunderkammer Creatures [Coilhouse]

I mean, really, you can see how badass they are, yes? I especially love the eerie inner blue glow. Frankly, I’m a sucker for things that glow blue, but what can you do? I’d feel the need to mod them up a bit, make them look more like religio-magical artifacts than just plain ol’ skulls, but they’re still pretty damn cool. Even better, there’s a matching webcam!

I’m really loving the webcam. It looks more like a piece of background scenery for someone’s tropical fishtank, but there’s something Sailor Jerry about it that I love, a slightly camp feel to it. Plus, that skeleton on the far right looks hella pissed off with the snaketail around his neck. Unfortunately, these pretty little items are out of my price range for aesthetically pleasing yet horribly impractical PC accessories, but feel free to pick yourself up a pair. Feel even more free to get two, and send one set to me. ;)

Skull Speakers and Skull Webcam [GeekStuff4U.com, via technabob]

Stolen from a mailing list I’m on…

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

God I love the French.