Archive for the ‘sex’ Category

PON PON PON

July 25th, 2011 by frankie23

I’m just baffled. Part of me wants to know what the hell she’s singing about, part of me thinks it would ruin things. This is amazing though; the CG monsters, the set, the faceless fat dancers, and the creppy-cute lead singer who farts static out of her ass. If I met an alien, and wanted him to understand what Japan was, I’d show him this video.

And then we’d all be boned.

Morning music videos: “Ponponpon” [I ♥ Chaos]

Share

Because You’re A Bunny!

April 22nd, 2011 by frankie23

Easter is this weekend, and with Easter comes a 1000-rabbit-strong Bunnarchy march in Seattle. In honour of my lovely Merkin friends and their lepusophiliac frolics, I present to you MC Bunny’s The Bunny Bounce. With more shaking bootys of both genders than you can shake a carrot at, it’s a good way to think about the original meaning of Easter.

Yes, I’m talking about fucking.

MC Bunny $ and the Drill Team Bumps You into Easter Weekend [The Stranger]

Fear Her!

April 13th, 2011 by frankie23

I don’t know if I’m turned on or creeped out. Both, I think.

Creepy Lip Sync Contestant Totally WTF! (Philippines) [Youtube]

Touch-a Touch Me, TSA Security

December 8th, 2010 by frankie23

Mmm… nothing like a NSA, er, TSA feel-up, am I right, boys and girls?

Touch-a Touch Me, TSA Security (Rocky Horror Parody by The Kinsey Sicks) [YouTube]

When Justin Met John

December 7th, 2010 by frankie23

When Justin Met John

Justin Bieber, meet John Waters. I’m certain you two will get along.

Here is John Waters Giving Justin Bieber a “Reach Around.” That is All. [The Stranger]

Miss Piggy’s Third Snout: Muppet Burlesque!

December 6th, 2010 by frankie23

Jenny C'est Quoi as Miss Piggy

Sometimes, I just genuinely love how fucking weird our world is getting. Especially in the world of burlesque! In lovely NYC, Rosey La Rouge and the sassy ladies of Storybook Burlesque put together a Muppet Show-themed evening of sultry delights! Hit the cute for several more pics of these fabulous boys and girls in action! I think I may have a little crush on Cookie Monster…

Desecrating Childhoods: Muppet Burlesque [Geekologie, via Asylum]

(more…)

American Psycho Awesome

April 15th, 2010 by frankie23

Do you like Miles Fisher? His newest EP marks a new peak of professionalism. This is his take on David Byrne’s “This Must Be The Place”. A great, great song, and a personal favourite.

I have watched this video every single day since I found it. It’s a perfect, perfect rendering of music to motion, a consummate point of music video mastery. It’s pure glory. I cannot say enough good things about it.

Of course, it’s about a serial killer. I have my weaknesses.

Miles Fisher – This Must Be The Place [YouTube]

I-U-D, S-I-S, Stay In School, Cuz It’s The Best

April 8th, 2010 by frankie23

Little know fact: This is one of my favourite songs in the world. Now I will never be able to listen to it without thinking of Miss Piggy gyrating on Rolf’s piano. Fuck.

Miss Piggy Sings “Fuck The Pain Away” by Peaches [YouTube]

When Harry Met Star Wars

July 14th, 2009 by frankie23

I’ve got nothing. Just… huh.

When Harry Met Wookiee [Topless Robot via Funny Or Die]

The Munsters Get It On

April 15th, 2009 by frankie23

How on earth this escaped my attention, I will never know, but I’m glad I’ve found it now! Apparently last Hallowe’en, Hustler released a porn spoof of The Munsters, rather plainly titled This Ain’t The Munsters XXX. Notable scenes apparently include Herman and Lily celebrating their wedding anniversary with a cemetery sex session, and Eddie, gets to “howl with pleasure” as he makes it with two girls. As you can see from the embedded trailer, Marilyn and Grandpa are also included, so I can only imagine what they get up to. Mmmm, Marilyn. Now, I just need a copy for the collection. Purely for research purposes, you understand.

This Ain’t The Munsters XXX [Official Site]

PG Porn: Squeal Happy Whores

February 18th, 2009 by frankie23

What a lovely mid-week surprise! With much less time between the last two installments, James Gunn has given us another scintillating installment of PG Porn! This time featuring the most lucious Jenna Haze as the porn star du jour, the twist, while not quite as satisfying personally as the punchline of Roadside Ass-sistance, is still fucking hilarity in a four-minute package. Enjoy!

PG Porn: Squeal Happy Whores [Spike]

Dinosaurs Fucking Robots

February 18th, 2009 by frankie23

dinosaurs_fucking_robots.jpg

Sometimes, I find a site which is just so perfectly aligned towards my interests that I get a little weepy. With a name like Dinosaurs Fucking Robots, I don’t see any need to explain why. I mean, you’re already here, right? Go check it out; it’s a pleasant combination of the amatuerish, the sophisticated, and the genuinely pornographic. So awesome.

Dinosaurs Fucking Robots [via io9.com]

Masturbation On The Morrison Bridge

January 30th, 2009 by frankie23

fap_fap_fap.png

It’s a fact that I love reading police reports. When the authoring officer has taken their time to do them well, the results can be rather arresting, if you’ll pardon the pun. Take for example this report, from this August in Portland, Oregon, about a 47 year old mean man who was caught naked, masturbating on a bridge:

While I was waiting for cover I could see [the subject] put lubrication on his semi-flaccid penis and then start to massage it in a rapid motion with his hand in a fist. He then picked up a rubber device and inserted his now erect penis in this rubber device and began to stroke the rubber device rapidly back and forth over his penis. He momentarily stopped and picked up a magazine and propped it on the pedestrian guardrail edge so he could better view it. He then disengaged the rubber device and began to kneel down and insert his penis in the pseudo vagina of the blow-up doll. He began to gyrate his hips back and forth while his erect penis was going in and out of the blow-up doll.

I then seized the blow-up doll, the packaged carton for the blow-up doll labeled as “Lindsay Fully Loaded Love Doll,” a personal rubber masturbation device and a pornographic magazine. The magazine was open to the nude picture of a female. As I attempted to deflate the blow-up doll, I could see that all three of the pseudo orifices of the doll had lubrication on them by the shiny, greasy sheen on them. I then took them to the Central Precinct property room and placed them in a locker as evidence.

Really, what the hell can you add to that? I just love the idea that this older man decided that the perfect way to get his rocks off that night was to stroll down to bridge on a warm summer night, dtrip down and make love to his shiny plastic lady friend. Unfortunately, the police report does not mention the size of his balls, because I am certain they were huge. A fun little footnote is found at the bottom of the report:

There was also a transient sleeping in a blanket about 3′ from where SB was engaged in his act(s).

Not only was he violating every hole on a Lindsay Lohan replica love doll, he was also doing it mere feet from a sleeping person! Did he not notice, as our society has trained us to just not see the needy, or did he like it? The brain shudders in turgid contemplation.
Masturbation on the Morrison Bridge: 2008’s Best Police Report [Pervscan via Willamette Week Online]

PG Porn: Roadside Ass-sistance

January 29th, 2009 by frankie23

Hooray! James Gunn has provided the internet world with another wonderful installment of his breath taking conception, PG Porn. Billed as everything you love about porn, except the sex, this is a follow-up to the first installment, Nailing Your Wife. This time, it’s the director himself acting against a young lady who is, quite possibly, my favourite currently-active porn star, Sasha Grey, who will more than likely become a mainstream film actress in the next few years. Putting her historical significance, and my puppy lust aside, make sure you watch the video the whole way through; you don’t want to miss the punchline.

PG Porn: Roadside Ass-sistance [Spike]

Sorry, Mom…

January 27th, 2009 by frankie23

sorry_mom.jpg

This is both sad and hilarious. An anonyblog for female bad sex survivors, I bang the worst dudes is made of of censor-barred images and brief anecdotes of poor sexual performance by males. The funny comes from the fact that a lot of these tales are dreadfullly droll, and you’re realy sorry that anyone had to go through that. The sad is closely related; it’s absolutely horrible that some of these girls got into the situations described. Take this highlight for example:

This guy would demand oral sex repeatedly and when I finally relented he tried to face-humped me like a rabbit.

Why would you finally give in? Why would you even keep hanging out with the guy? Tolerating his presence indicates to him that his behaviour is acceptable; giving in rewards his for his bothersome persistence. The fact that none of them accept any blame for the badness brings it a bit into the male-bashing perspective, but a bit of misandry is good for the soul, they tell me. Interesting, Firefox recognizes “misogyny”, but not “misandry”. Heh. Funny that.

Anyhow, it’s certainly worth taking your time to scroll through; there’s only eleven pages or so at this point, though I’m sure that’ll grow. I must say I question how many of the photos are genuine, and how many are just some random guy blacked out to the point of being unrecognizable, but they do add a certain pleasing visual style to the whole thing. Just don’t be surprised if some of the stories read more bitter than clever.

I bang the worst dudes (sorry mom) [via the blazing shark]

PG Porn: Nailing Your Wife

October 10th, 2008 by frankie23

James Gunn, director of my favourite horror film of 2006, Slither, has teamed up with Spike TV to produce a series of segments called PG Porn. These segments pair favourite actors with hot-ass porn starlets, in sex scenes without, well, the sex. This installment, which is already burning its way around the ‘net is called Nailing Your Wife, stars Nathan Fillion and the delectable Aria Giovanni, and is, quite possibly, the best damn thing I’ve seen all week. And I saw an awesome masturbation video the other day.

PG Porn: Nailing Your Wife [Spike]

Quotes To Live By: Jessa Crispin

June 25th, 2008 by frankie23

slut_puppy.jpg

“If there was a committee, I imagine them telling her, ‘We’re sorry, but the formula to qualify for true sluttiness is as follows:

# of Total Men > Your Age x 1.5

Having slept with 40 men by the time you’re in your late 30s does not make you a slut. Go back into the world and get back to us when you’ve done something really depraved. Also, if you can, please find a better reason for sluttiness than your parents’ divorce. It’s been done.'” — Jessa Crispin

Frankly, I’d change that to # of Total Humans, but that’s just the PC in me.

Quote of the Day: Jessa Crispin [The Reverse Cowgirl]

Betty Boop Vs. Dracula

January 23rd, 2008 by frankie23

Now here’s a bizarre little rarity. Back in the 1930s, Paramount pictures made a ton of little shorts under the blanket title of Hollywood On Parade, using a wide variety of actors, some famous stars, some not so much. The Three Stooges got their start in these films with Ted Healy, and some earlier Marx Brothers shorts were also part of the line. This is probably one of the weirdest ones I’ve seen though. Mae Questel, the voice of Olive Oyl for many years, was also the original Betty Boop. This short features her in a rare live performance as the lovely Miss Boop, singing a song to a pair of manly mannequins. Things are going swimmingly when suddenly Bela Lugosi shows up as the Count! With the chilling words, “Betty, you have booped your last boop,” some 1930s vampire-style necking occurs and, well, you get the picture.

Betty Boop Meets The Count [Ectoplasmosis]

“He Raped Me …With Sexual Assault!”

November 27th, 2007 by frankie23

captain_awareness.jpg

Not much to say here, except to agree with the good Mr. Brownlee; it really is the best kind of rape.

Captain Awareness [Comics With Problems, via Ectoplasmosis and Hugo Strikes Back!]

Brit-Brit’s Cha-Cha

November 27th, 2007 by frankie23

britney_statue.jpg

Oh, Britney, is there anyone in the Western World who hasn’t seen your nasty little cooter? For someone who claims she just wants privacy, she’s had a hard time doing the things she needs to ensure that privacy, like say, wearing underwear. Anyways, as with all precious moments, Brit’s Box has been converted into collectible form, to be placed on your grandmother’s knick-knack shelf between the frowning child on the toilet and the little girl in the too-large gumboots and oversized yellow umbrella. Titled, “OOPS SHE DID IT AGAIN”, in all caps, no less, this charming little piece of art is available at a very-reasonable $39.95 USD. Click here to see the uncensored version, and while you’re at it, check out their spectacular piece called “Baby Drop”, which enshrines Michael Jackson’s inability to do anything right when it comes to children. Order both, save on shipping (and never speak to me again please)!

Britney Spears Shows Off Her Plastic Hot Pocket [Gizmodo]