Archive for the ‘what the fuck’ Category

PG Porn: Squeal Happy Whores

February 18th, 2009 by frankie23

What a lovely mid-week surprise! With much less time between the last two installments, James Gunn has given us another scintillating installment of PG Porn! This time featuring the most lucious Jenna Haze as the porn star du jour, the twist, while not quite as satisfying personally as the punchline of Roadside Ass-sistance, is still fucking hilarity in a four-minute package. Enjoy!

PG Porn: Squeal Happy Whores [Spike]

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Bacon Man

January 30th, 2009 by frankie23


bacon_man_01.jpg

So much bacon. Such fucking weird art. I’m seriously at a loss for words. Close up after the jump.

Bacon, Man [FoodProof, via NetDiva]

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PG Porn: Roadside Ass-sistance

January 29th, 2009 by frankie23

Hooray! James Gunn has provided the internet world with another wonderful installment of his breath taking conception, PG Porn. Billed as everything you love about porn, except the sex, this is a follow-up to the first installment, Nailing Your Wife. This time, it’s the director himself acting against a young lady who is, quite possibly, my favourite currently-active porn star, Sasha Grey, who will more than likely become a mainstream film actress in the next few years. Putting her historical significance, and my puppy lust aside, make sure you watch the video the whole way through; you don’t want to miss the punchline.

PG Porn: Roadside Ass-sistance [Spike]

Sorry, Mom…

January 27th, 2009 by frankie23

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This is both sad and hilarious. An anonyblog for female bad sex survivors, I bang the worst dudes is made of of censor-barred images and brief anecdotes of poor sexual performance by males. The funny comes from the fact that a lot of these tales are dreadfullly droll, and you’re realy sorry that anyone had to go through that. The sad is closely related; it’s absolutely horrible that some of these girls got into the situations described. Take this highlight for example:

This guy would demand oral sex repeatedly and when I finally relented he tried to face-humped me like a rabbit.

Why would you finally give in? Why would you even keep hanging out with the guy? Tolerating his presence indicates to him that his behaviour is acceptable; giving in rewards his for his bothersome persistence. The fact that none of them accept any blame for the badness brings it a bit into the male-bashing perspective, but a bit of misandry is good for the soul, they tell me. Interesting, Firefox recognizes “misogyny”, but not “misandry”. Heh. Funny that.

Anyhow, it’s certainly worth taking your time to scroll through; there’s only eleven pages or so at this point, though I’m sure that’ll grow. I must say I question how many of the photos are genuine, and how many are just some random guy blacked out to the point of being unrecognizable, but they do add a certain pleasing visual style to the whole thing. Just don’t be surprised if some of the stories read more bitter than clever.

I bang the worst dudes (sorry mom) [via the blazing shark]

Darth Vader On Violin

January 17th, 2009 by frankie23

I could make a pithy comment about this, but it’s really just too awesome.

Darth Vader Plays The Violin! [YouTube]

Whole-Grain Bread

November 7th, 2008 by frankie23

Wow, there’s a flashback. Like Robin says kids, “it was *actually* like this. ALL. THE. TIME.”

I’m going to go drink something hard.

THIS IS HOW I MAKE BREAD [Bougieman via MercyStreet1986]

The Return Of The South American Gnome

October 27th, 2008 by frankie23

Oh noes, it’s back! There’s been a second sighting of the South American stalking shorty! Okay, this video is even harder to make out than the previous one, but… geez, that walk. It’s just so wrong. Sends shivers down my spine just watching the damn thing stroll across the street. Well, stroll may not be the right word. More like skitter. Ugh.

For those who don’t remember, here’s the first sighting.

NEW creepy gnome sighting [YouTube]

“Are you a girl? Is it Hallowe’en?”

October 26th, 2008 by frankie23

This wonderful video basically shows the reality behind my yearly issues with Hallowe’en costumes marketed to women.

That being said, Sexy 1900s Steel Conglomerate Tycoon is awesome.

Girls’s Costume Warehouse [YouTube]

Bimbo The Birthday Clown

October 14th, 2008 by frankie23

Ah, childhood and the scars it leaves upon us. Back in the day when we still had local children’s programming, there was a British former clown who went by the name of Uncle Bobby, and his show was one of the most low-budget affairs you can imagine. This clip I present to you shows Bimbo The Birthday Clown, a giant cardboard monstrosity who would present birthday wishes to the boys and girls. One must remember, however, that what appears to us now to be laughable and quaint, to a young child was terrifying. The flapping ears, the rolling eyes of the giant with his jabbering mouth; the high-pitched cries of the yarn puppets, creatures I can still never look at without a modicum of discomfort. Truly nightmarish. Please, enjoy my memories laid bare for you, whilst I leave you with a transcript of the goliath’s song, which rings through my head to this day:

Bimbo Bimbo

I’m the birthday

clown they call

Bimbo Bimbo

On the Uncle Bobby Show

Bimbo Bimbo

I would like to say

you and you a very

happy birthday

“Happy birthday boys and girls”

Happy Birthday, indeed.

The Uncle Bobby Show – Bimbo the Birthday Clown [YouTube]

Panda-Z… OMGWTFBBQ?

October 12th, 2008 by frankie23

Just… wow. I have not seen anything this cracky in quite some time. A giant robot bunnygirl shoots a giant robot panda in the face with her rocket boobs. If you need more impretus than that to watch this clip, you probably are reading the wrong blog.

Panda-Z, Episode 01 [YouTube]

PG Porn: Nailing Your Wife

October 10th, 2008 by frankie23

James Gunn, director of my favourite horror film of 2006, Slither, has teamed up with Spike TV to produce a series of segments called PG Porn. These segments pair favourite actors with hot-ass porn starlets, in sex scenes without, well, the sex. This installment, which is already burning its way around the ‘net is called Nailing Your Wife, stars Nathan Fillion and the delectable Aria Giovanni, and is, quite possibly, the best damn thing I’ve seen all week. And I saw an awesome masturbation video the other day.

PG Porn: Nailing Your Wife [Spike]

Food Songs

October 4th, 2008 by frankie23

This is awesome. Joss Whedon’s brother Jed, and his female companion Maurissa Tancharoen, co-writers of the wonderful Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, apparently write songs in the car on the way to get food, about the food they’re getting. Then, on Labour Day weekend, they got drunk, sat in front of a webcam, and sang them to us. Revel. I said revel!

The Dr Horrible Follow-Up You Never Expected [io9.com]

Love In This Club

July 7th, 2008 by frankie23

In one of the more delightful things I’ve ever seen in my life, some enterprising soul has done something almost unthinkable: made Usher bearable. Outside of my realm of experience, appartently Chuck E. Chhese used to have a competitor called Showbiz Pizza, and Showbiz had their own in-house animatronic band The Rock-afire Explosion. I’m not sure of the source of this video, but in a nutshell it’s Usher’s “Love In This Club” as preformed by said talking animal stage show… and it’s brilliant. I hope this affects your day as much as it has mine.

Usher – Love In This Club [YouTube]

Creepy South American Gnome

March 19th, 2008 by frankie23

In the Argentinean town of Salta, some kids were sitting around, doing their typical juvenile delinquent bit; wearing hoodies, sipping some local beverages. One guy, he’s recording it all on his cellphone, yes? Cellphone cameras are built for exactly this sort of thing. Then, they see it, lurching across the road…

Frankly, I don’t know what the hell this thing is, and I’m not sure if I want to. But it creeps me out, hardcore, and that, I like.

Increible video de un duende [YouTube]

Small, light, take a little break

December 24th, 2007 by frankie23

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Merry Christmas, my little chillalies! I hope everyone’s gotten all their nasty consumerist shopping out of the way! Santa Frankie has been sick in bed with the plague for the last little while, but he’s not forgotten you all, no indeed. For your holiday treat, I present to you something that cannot be beat; a Flickr gallery filled with pictures of whacky Japanese Kit Kat bars! With flavours from stripey Banana to Cherry Blossom, and at least half a dozen variations on the theme of Mango, your sweet tooth is sure to be tempted by these import snackables. Enjoy!

KitKats of the World [Flickr, via Japanator]

New DuckTales Theme

November 28th, 2007 by frankie23

Furry bondage kiddyporn, with implied incest. I cannot wait to see how many hits that particular phrase brings in from Google. I’m genuinely confused as to what disturbs me more about this video; the fact that someone thought it up, or the fact that so much effort was put into it’s production. I really want the instructions on how they made that sweet Beagle Boy mask though.

New DuckTales Theme [CollegeHumour.com]

Brit-Brit’s Cha-Cha

November 27th, 2007 by frankie23

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Oh, Britney, is there anyone in the Western World who hasn’t seen your nasty little cooter? For someone who claims she just wants privacy, she’s had a hard time doing the things she needs to ensure that privacy, like say, wearing underwear. Anyways, as with all precious moments, Brit’s Box has been converted into collectible form, to be placed on your grandmother’s knick-knack shelf between the frowning child on the toilet and the little girl in the too-large gumboots and oversized yellow umbrella. Titled, “OOPS SHE DID IT AGAIN”, in all caps, no less, this charming little piece of art is available at a very-reasonable $39.95 USD. Click here to see the uncensored version, and while you’re at it, check out their spectacular piece called “Baby Drop”, which enshrines Michael Jackson’s inability to do anything right when it comes to children. Order both, save on shipping (and never speak to me again please)!

Britney Spears Shows Off Her Plastic Hot Pocket [Gizmodo]

Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout

October 20th, 2007 by frankie23

You can read the title. I have no comment.

“The Scariest Workout Video Ever Made” [Coilhouse]

The Doors of Deception: Portal’s gonna hurt your brainmeat

October 9th, 2007 by frankie23

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Valve Software, those brave creators of Half-Life and it’s assorted progeny, are bringing you one of the weirdest puzzle games ever made. Initially a student project at game dev college DigiPen, a fifteen minute demo was all the big boys needed to see to give this one the green light. Portal’s basic concept is simple; you have a wormhole gun, and you need to use it to progress through the level. First, you shoot yourself an entrance, then you shoot an exit. It’s a one of those easily explained concepts that allow for brain-breaking puzzles to be built around it. This month, Wired have been kind enough to present a little visual guide to the concept, giving examples of how the portal gun can be used and abused to manipulate your environment. PErsonally, I’d like to see this blown up to poster size, but that’s just me.

Unlock the Doors of Deception in Mind-Warping Puzzler Portal [Wired, via Kotaku]

Furries Vs. Klingons: Bowling Down The House

October 1st, 2007 by frankie23

I have no words. Well, that’s not true, just most of them are onomatopoeias, such as huh, aroo, bltzrgrbl, and the like. I mean, really, I’ve seen a lot of stuff on this old web here. I remember when goatse.cx was still fresh, I used to MUCK, hell, I first used a text-based brwoser. But this, this is something the likes of which I have never seen before, and, indeed to my regret, will never be able to unsee. So, I share my pain with you, loyal sycophants (or is that just sickos?) so that you too may know the painful rapture of seeing a giant cartoon fox bowl, granny-style, versus an obese Klingon. Yeah.

Furries vs. Klingons [youtube]